I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You dont lie about slip and slides
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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