I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
