They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize