It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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