Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
