I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
