I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
