Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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