Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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