...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
