just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
