why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
