i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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