Your dad touched me again.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
