So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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