my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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