What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
