i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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