I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
