Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
