today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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