i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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