just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
