So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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