i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
