Sry I called you an 8
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
