Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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