she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we're making bets on your personal life
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
