Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
birth control should be required to get into college
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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