I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
