i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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