i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
