Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
