Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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