you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
