it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
