remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Pooping to opera.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
