She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
