its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
