My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
