im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Im part way to drunk.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
