I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
