Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He passed out mid-signature
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
