If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
