highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
