I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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