My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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