fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
