She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
