Sry I called you an 8
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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