He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
