the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
