remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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