Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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