PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
