Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
