That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
