are you still at the devil's house?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
