Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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