we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
