Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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