that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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