You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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