I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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