Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
