I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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