Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
