where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Couch. On fire.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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