You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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